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Sorry, but you are looking for something that either never existed or existed at one time but no longer exists. If you’re stubborn you might hunt-and-peck your desires into the search form above. Or you could set your expectations aside and try one of the links below; surely anything down there will be better than this.
Alternatively, you could shut off your computer and go outside. Once you are outside, take the nearest form of public transportation no more than 5 stops in the direction of the sun. Get off. Find the first person selling something and buy the cheapest thing they offer. Say, “what is the cheapest thing you offer?” Overpay by the minimum possible sum and tell them to keep the change. Now imagine that their left arm is an infinite ray. Where is it pointing? Travel in that direction, offering whatever you just purchased to a nice-looking stranger with dark hair. Enjoy the rest of your life.