So I do it.

At this point you are tired of hearing me talk about it all the time, so I do it.

I think of a way to do it and then I do it that way.

Maybe I get extremely drunk and hook myself up to the fishtank's automatic feeder, which drops a new pill into my mouth every five seconds. Maybe I jump from the veranda onto the tramway and feel the air trying to lift me up, fighting against my downward flight. Maybe I carve a list of grievances into my flesh, starting with "I can't think of anything to say," and then I bleed out everything that was inside me.

How I do it is not important. I don't even have a fishtank.

The point is that it doesn't work.

I never actually do it. I plan to do it, but I forget, and lose my calendar, and when I find my calendar again it is too late.