Of course, I don't know what it is all about. I sit here, and it makes me very nervous.

I try to eat something, but I am too nervous. Inside there, that is where they are. Behind the big sliding door. I can see them at the table. I try not to imagine what they are saying.

My hands fidget and only afterwards do I notice them and try to control them, but I have destroyed my napkin. I am always destroying napkins.

If someone wanted to get at the essence of what I am, at my funeral for instance, they could say that I was always destroying napkins. That would tell you what you needed to know. How I appeared to other people:

He was always the one over there, destroying his napkin. He is at God's table now, fidgeting his goddamned hands.