In addition (and somewhat tangential) to his artistic endeavors, Andrew Venell also offers a number of paid services for the discerning collector of interesting experiences. These services range in terms of utility, cultural significance, commercial viability and level of consumer-irritation involved, but all represent unique experiences of commercial transaction, social relations and the odious concept of “lifestyle.” Please contact for an initial consultation.

Unbranding Services

Andrew Venell will remove all aspects of branding from every object in your home. The contents of your refrigerator, cupboards, medicine cabinet, bathroom shelves, etc., will be removed from their packaging and placed into clear, unmarked glass and plastic containers. All clothing will have its tags carefully removed and any logos or insignia will be covered over with colored tape or fabric. All products with printed or engraved branding that cannot be removed will be covered over. Option: single room option available at client’s request.

Fees: $500/day plus cost of materials (containers).

uRefrigerator Service

While you are at work Andrew Venell will replace the contents of your refrigerator with those of a stranger who has also purchased this service.

Fees: $500. An additional $250 fee to undo this service.

i(Not) Getting Things Done

In direct response to the proliferating “cult of productivity,” Andrew Venell will deliberately thwart all of the client’s attempts to accomplish anything for a period from 8-24 hours. All attempts at meaningful production will be negated. Work will go undone, messages will be left unanswered, and even attempting to brush your teeth will probably be unpleasant. Note that this makes an attractive gift for the high-achieving type, as well as an ideal excuse in impossible deadline situations. Andrew Venell accepts no responsibility for the results of your day of failures.

Fees: $100/hour up to 12 hours. $200 for each hour thereafter.

Stand-in Services

Andrew Venell will act as your proxy in any situation that you would like to avoid: a public presentation, quality time with your family, a business trip, a difficult conversation, etc. Andrew Venell will take your place and participate fully in the experience. Please note, however, that Andrew Venell will not be impersonating you for this service. He will merely be participating in your stead, as Andrew-Venell-acting-on-the-behalf-of-ClientX.

Fees: $250/hour, plus travel expenses.

Awkward Coffee (or Lunch)

For the price and duration of a tea, coffee or light meal, Andrew Venell will provide somewhat strained and uncomfortable company for you and a party of up to 3 other individuals. Conversation will likely be awkward, sparse and/or poorly tempoed, and may cover uncomfortable or boring topics in a test of mutual endurance.

Fees: The price of a social beverage or small meal.

sOrchestrated Disasters

Andrew Venell will work with the client to create an act of self-sabotage which can vary in complexity and scope depending on client’s interest and the nature of the sabotage. An important event can be ruined, important object or structure destroyed, the client’s status harmed in some way. To all outside parties the disaster will appear accidental–or in any event no fault of the client’s–and the client will not be involved in the actual execution of the disaster in any way. This is an open-ended service that requires specific consultation with potential clients, but may be thought of as a larger, more spectacular version of the (Not) Getting Things Done service.

Fees: An estimate will be provided after the initial consultation.

Safe Disposal

Andrew Venell will accept any upsetting but non-dangerous object, document, memory, idea, fact, image or feeling and safely and carefully dispose of it, providing the client with a photograph of its absence.

Fees: $1.

wWorst Fears Dramatized

After a probing interview, Andrew Venell will write a script dramatizing your worst fears, which will then be performed by a local high school or college theater club. Performance can be private or public at client’s request.

Fees: $250/hour plus travel expenses.

Band Name Service

Submit a song via the contact page and Andrew Venell will name your band. This service is free and 100% binding.

Separation Service

Andrew Venell will take an assortment of your favorite things and carefully pack them in protective boxes and transport them to a gallery where they will be displayed to the public, boxed and undisturbed, for 1 month.

Fees: $1,000.

Profoundly Insulting Telegrams

For the price of a night’s stay in an expensive hotel, Andrew Venell will send you one or more profoundly insulting telegrams from the hotel’s front desk.

Fees: Vary based on hotel.

Cessation Service

For $15,000/mo Andrew Venell will stop all art-related activities, including making, writing, speaking and thinking about art, in any form it might take.

Fees: $15,000 for one month.

Book Andrew Venell As A Speaker

With a minimum 3-week lead time, Andrew Venell will perform a public presentation on any topic of your choosing. He will drop all existing commitments and spend his time becoming an expert, single-mindedly researching said topic, compiling notes and materials, eventually culminating in a public presentation. Presentations will include varying media depending on proposed topic but are guaranteed to be enlightening and at least mildly entertaining. Andrew Venell reserves the right to interpret “expert” status on your topic as he sees fit, so clients looking to use his services in an educational context may be either slightly disappointed or extremely pleased.

Fees: $10,000 plus travel expenses