When I was a child I was afraid that I would spontaneously combust.
I don't really remember why, I just remember that I had heard that sometimes
people spontaneously combusted, and if it happened to other people, there
was a chance it could happen to me. I had seen pictures in a book of paranormal
phenomena, pictures of tiny charred areas where a person once sat. Everything
is untouched except for those places the person touched. Everything else
is fine. I thought I was going to be like that.
I kept a glass of water beside my bed, just in case. I knew if I was going
to spontaneously combust there would be no
time to pour a glass of water on myself. I guess I thought that if I started
feeling unnaturally hot I could dump the water on myself. But one glass
of water wouldn't go very far.
I also started knocking on wood. I was very systematic about it. I would
start to feel afraid and then I would tell myself that everything was
going to be ok. Then I would have to knock on wood. But maybe I would
think I had knocked on wood one too many times. What I would have to do
is, I would have to wait a second and then knock on wood again so that
I wouldn't have jinxed myself the first time.
What I am saying is, there was a time when I didn't
want to die at all.
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