What I am trying to tell you is that I am in love with her.

In the small ways.

In the ways that destroy you from inside while you are eating dinner alone in a restaurant. In the ways that breathe down the skin of your neck while you are sitting watching television, and something moves inside you that makes your veins feel cold.

What I am talking about is something that I feel from the outside, something which presses on my body from the outside and tells me that there is an outside of me. It is something that for once does not feel simply reducible to chemicals, and makes me feel as though a finger has pointed at me from a far place.

I don't know who she is yet, but I feel her there, outside of me, waiting for me, and I feel myself being drawn to her, like doom.